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Untitled Sonnet by ~Doreikage:iconDoreikage:

Categories Literature > Poetry > General Poetry > Sonnet


To show the judge your now-tormented soul,
      You keep your gaze as blank as one can be.
The witness said that you were white and whole
       And withered only after meeting me.

Described by Mother as a precious flow’r
      That bloomed in beauty ev’ry passing day,
They say that I took but a single hour
      To steal your sacred innocence away.

But I would argue it had fled years past
      Before my hands could ever reach your skin,
For where can any innocence yet last
      Where one is feeding darkness deep within?

Alas, I know that this case you will win,
      Although ’twas you who begged for us to sin.
©2009-2010 ~Doreikage
:icondoreikage:

Author's Comments

For my "something new." How I even came up with this poem's subject is beyond me.

Oh, and if you're thinking of writing a sonnet, it's hard as heck. But the sense of accomplishment I'm feeling right now is a nice reward. This poem saw hours of editing before it ever made it here...I'm hoping that Shakespeare isn't rolling over in his grave right now.

Part of the dark atmosphere no doubt came from what I was listening to at the time - XCVII by How Like a Winter. They recite one of Shakespeare's sonnets in the song. I was hoping that channeling his spirit would help me with iambic pentameter, but I don't think it made it any easier XD

Comments


love 0 0 joy 1 1 wow 0 0 mad 0 0 sad 0 0 fear 0 0 neutral 0 0
:icontsunamitykunade:
Mood: Joy !TsunamiTykunade Jul 9, 2009, 1:59:41 PM
Well done, you got the technical aspects perfectly, and the vocaublary and structure is very nice, little bit too 'dark' for my liking, but i still very much appreciate it. :) :hug:

--
Ho Yes; These two words will get you through life with absolutely no problems... Sort of.
:icondoreikage:
~Doreikage Jul 9, 2009, 2:01:34 PM
Thanks! :D I was really worried about the iambic pentameter, I keep counting off lines to make sure they're right XD So it's quite a relief to hear that they are!
:iconblervakh:
~Blervakh Jul 9, 2009, 2:30:35 PM
Yep, I'll be writing something to, would try some short story
I think I'll do it tomorrow during weekend. Poetry is beautiful(yours to) but I can't bend myself to create it, yet.

--
Butter shall not be denied.
:icondoreikage:
~Doreikage Jul 9, 2009, 2:32:03 PM
Cool, I can't wait to see your short story! ^^
:iconringofscars:
=ringofscars Jul 9, 2009, 2:36:36 PM
Dark dark dark... oh that's creepy! I don't know much about poetry at all, but it read very well in that it wasn't awkward in rhythm or rhyme. Gives me chills the more I think about it.
It's the sort of poem that depending on your own life experiences, depends how you interpret it. Because you mention 'Judge' in the first line, I feel it encourages the reader to start taking sides. The character can become either a monster or victim depending on the viewers past experiences.
I'm leaning heavily towards monster but I don't think everyone will see it that way.

Good job anyway! :clap:
:icondoreikage:
~Doreikage Jul 9, 2009, 2:41:07 PM
Thank you for such a detailed comment, it's very much appreciated! I'm not usually this dark or creepy, I promise XD It's good to hear that the rhythm wasn't awkward; I was worried about that. Even though it makes you feel chills, I'm glad that you did feel something - that, of course, is the goal! :D
:iconkatamari-dan:
~Katamari-Dan Jul 9, 2009, 3:03:36 PM
DARK but somewhat relaxing. :D

--
Oh! I Feel it. I Feel the Cosmos!
:icondoreikage:
~Doreikage Jul 9, 2009, 3:04:18 PM
Thanks, glad it relaxed you then! :)
:iconkatamari-dan:
~Katamari-Dan Jul 9, 2009, 3:05:09 PM
Welcome :D

--
Oh! I Feel it. I Feel the Cosmos!
:iconnatgabs:
~natgabs Jul 9, 2009, 3:21:00 PM
well done O,O

--
may the butter be with you !
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